| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2005|10:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  recumbent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness by Smashing Pumpkins | ] |
It has been a long time since I've updated. Let the updating begin...
I've been feeling better...emotionally. When I first started this journal, I was frustrated with my situation. Being a young mother with an unemployed husband just takes a lot of energy out of the system. I just wanted to pack my bag and leave with the baby, but I realized how hard it was to be in a broken home. My parents divorced when I was seventeen. I spent half the school year with my dad, the other half with my mom. And being caught in the crossfire of their anger and hatred for each other was hard. I didn't want that kind of life for my daughter. She deserves a lot better. Now all my energy has been directed into helping Joe find a job and to actually find peace within our relationship. I also got a new job, which I'm very happy about. I'm now a human resource specialist. It's funny, I'm only eighteen and I have a cool job like that. I feel cool now. I'm thinking about moving back to Florida to be closer to my parents in about a year or so. That'll be interesting. It gives me a chance to catch up with my lost friends, like Bon Bon, Maxine, Keef, and Ellen. But, you know, it's just a thought running through my head.
Hopefully life will get better. I remember being little and thinking: life is going to suck meatballs when I'm older. And it's true. Now I know what people meant when they talked about the "real world." "tis a lovely place, you just have a nice little path to walk along peacefully until you die. |
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| Damn, I've got Cheeto fingers |
[Aug. 22nd, 2005|02:01 am] |
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How the hell can people take prescription drugs? Oh my God, I mean people will pop pills if the doctor told them to. They'd probably listen to Dr. Kavorkian nowadays too. I'm only saying this because...I've had a life changing experience this weekend. My eyes were not only open to a possible opprotunity, but to something more meaningful in life. I got this new job in direct sales selling health and wellness products. And these products have been proven to help the body heak itself a lot better than it does in the day and age. These products are totally natural. These are freakin' herbs, for crying out loud. And people refuse to see that this stuff is a lot better than taking a pill that's loaded with chemicals to make themselves feel "better." That shit makes you worse if you read all the side effects. Anyways, I was talking to my mother-in-law about the products because I was all pumped and ready to go. Then she totally shoots me down saying that pills are better than herbs because there's sin the world. No, she's not a psychotic Catholic woman who thinks that blinking is a sin. I've encountered that one before. But just because a pill worked well for her daughter, she thinks that pills are the shit. Why would you want to take something that God didn;t make? I mean, God created the earth for us. I'm pretty sure he's make sure there were things we'd probably need if we got sick or food poisoning. There was probably even a cure for cancer, but deforestation and all...you know how it goes. But I wonder how people in this era where everything is so fine and dandy, even though people are diseased left and right. And I don't want to hear shit about there being more disease back in the olden days. Just because there were illnesses out there and people would rather get drunk and have sex than eat healthy doesn't mean shit. Gah, this is too much for me right now. I'm too tried and to riled up to be on the computer. I'll write more tomorrow. |
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| Pop rocks and Coke make your stomach explode |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|12:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "The Downward Spiral"- Nine Inch Nails | ] |
I love sleepless nights. Don't you? I know it sounds a little awkward, but it actually gives me some much needed "me" time, for lack of a better phrase. I've been so caught up with taking care of other people that my life is literally lost in the midst of nothingness. I feel like my soul has been taken away from me. And this is the emptiest I've ever felt in my life. I know I shouldn't feel this way. But I've got to be honest with myself. I want to go out and explore new things. I want to take Kaida with me, not Joseph. He can stay behind. I love him, but he needs to grow up. He can't sit around all day playing the sick little child when we have a child of our own to take care of. He needs to understand that sitting around all day with his Gameboy is NOT looking for a job. And he needs to understand that he's setting aside his own wife and daughter to play Pokemon.
I don't know what to do. I should've stayed in Florida. Things would've been a lot better for Kaida and I. I can admit it would've been harder to get by, but we wouldn't have Joseph dragging us to Never-never land with him. |
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| The Beginning... |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|01:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | recumbent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Fade to Black"- Apocalyptica | ] |
I guess this will be my first entry in the journal. This is my new temple of peace. Before this, I had to rely on the bathroom to collect my thoughts and to control my strong urge to just...snap. From the sound of things, you can tell my life is a stressful one. I have a daughter who just brightens my day. But the real stresser is my darling husband, Joseph. I love him with all the love a mortal can take. But there are times when he only thinks of himself, even though he has no comprehension of doing so.
Enough of that. I didn't create this to verbally bash the one I truly care about. I came here for peace. I came to escape the corrupt reality that has become my life. I came to give myself a spiritual and mental recleansing. And verbally bashing is not a positive step toward my goal, though it does lighten the weight on my chest.
I can tell you that this is not going to be an easy path to follow, but it's going to be a good one for me. I do hope everything will work out of the best, for the sake of my fragile sanity.
~Azaria~ |
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sithkitten's journal